Starting over isn’t a clean slate. It’s carrying everything you’ve been through and deciding to move forward anyway.
It could also be running away and that’s okay. I find myself starting and falling back, if not on a regular basis sometimes on a daily basis!
Honestly, what is starting over?
There’s a moment (or several moments) when life forces you to stop. A job loss, a heartbreak, a betrayal, the loss of a loved one, a shift so unexpected that you realize the life you thought you were living no longer exists. And then, you’re left standing in the middle of what once was, wondering—what now?
Starting over is something we romanticize. We talk about it like it’s a choice, as if we wake up one morning, take a deep breath, and decide: Today, I begin again. But the truth is, starting over is rarely that simple. It’s painful. It’s messy. It’s a process of undoing and unlearning, of grieving what was, while making space for what could be. (It can be exhausting!)
People will tell you that starting over is freeing, that you should be grateful for a fresh start. But what they don’t tell you is that before you feel free, you’ll feel lost and for me it was darkness. You’ll miss what was, even if it wasn’t right for you. You’ll question if you made the right choices. You’ll wonder if you’re capable of rebuilding. And some days, you won’t want to. Because starting over doesn’t just mean moving forward—it means leaving something behind. And even when the past was painful, the chaos of it was still familiar.
Starting over means sitting with the silence that comes after everything falls apart. It means allowing yourself to grieve, even if others think you should have “moved on” by now. It’s waking up every day and making small, quiet choices to rebuild—not all at once, but piece by piece. Choosing to believe that you are more than what you’ve lost. Giving yourself permission to feel everything and nothing, without rushing the process. Taking the next step, even when you don’t know where it leads. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to be okay just yet. You just have to keep going.
Maybe starting over isn’t about forgetting or moving on. Maybe it’s about carrying your past differently. Maybe it’s learning to live alongside the scars, without letting them define you. Maybe it’s about choosing yourself in ways you never have before. Maybe starting over isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about returning to yourself.
If you’re standing in the middle of your own ending, wondering what comes next, you’re not alone. You don’t have to have the answers today. You don’t even have to be okay. You just have to keep breathing. Because even when you don’t feel ready, you are still becoming. And maybe that’s what starting over really means.